


Home is Wherever I'm With You

by LeiasLeftBun



Series: After Endor [1]
Category: Journey to TFA, Star Wars, Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Blood, But I like to think that Leia is canon mentally ill, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon-ish, F/M, I also am using Leia to project my mental health problems onto, I fixed Life Debt and Empire's End you guys, Post RotJ, Some sexy times, Violent Murders, and then some more blood, au where months and days and weeks are the same as Earth English, au where paper is used, give me one reason why not, in name and length, you all know I am right
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-03-09
Packaged: 2018-09-27 12:48:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,483
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10021415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeiasLeftBun/pseuds/LeiasLeftBun
Summary: A rocky start to their first year, not by their own faults. (Okay, A little bit by their own faults.)





	1. Dantooine

**Author's Note:**

> **Hello!** This is the 1st full length fanfiction of the After Endor series. This series will be marked with "Part __ of After Endor". Each fanfiction in this series will have ten chapters and one bonus chapter (posted separately). 
> 
> It begins shortly after ROTJ. 
> 
> **Italicized** phrases separate from paragraphs indicate a character's thoughts. It won't always be clear who is thinking them. 
> 
> You can pick whoever you want or think it is. Be free, my wonderful readers. (This mostly means I have forgotten who they originally belonged to, because it fits both character's personalities.) 
> 
> Eight asterisks used in-between paragraphs indicate a time lapse and/or character switch that I thought needed pointed out. I just wanted it to be easier to read and follow. That is also why I always go to new paragraphs often. It works better for beings with ADHD (like me).
> 
> **If** you are bored and want to draw any of these scenes, Go for it! I'd love to see them! I would draw them myself but I lack the skill. Send them to leiasleftbun.tumblr.com and I will post them with credits and a link to you! Or, tag me in the post with them! I can repay you with a gifted fanfic or someone to talk about Star Wars with or my friendship (not that anyone wants that last one lol)
> 
> **As** always, leave a comment if you want a specific content warning. I will add them to the beginning of each applicable chapter. I would hate to be the reason for panic attacks, meltdowns, or even mild discomfort.

The cool water lapped at Leia's exposed feet. She was supposed to be at home. Leia did not want to be at home. Why not get away for a few hours? This beach was perfect for that. The beach was an amazing source of stims, from visual to auditory. The lapping of the waves. The light from the porch reflecting on the water.

_This is wonderful. Happy. Happy. I am rarely allowed to be happy. I have to keep going. I am not meant to stay places this long._

She had had a wonderful night with Han. Nothing against him, but life was getting boring. Leia was ready to get back to work. Mon thought making her stay home for a bit would be a good idea, as if she and Han "needed bonding time".

_No. We do not need bonding time. Our souls are not ones that rest. What needs to be happening is that we need to secure the rest of the planets and-_

_Okay, brain. Shut up. This is calming happy time. None of this stuff._

These past two weeks Leia had spent her nights wandering around. Tonight, She decided to laid down in the sand and let the waves lull her to sleep against the cool air. Her medication allowed it to happen rather quickly and ensured she would not wake up for hours, minimally. 

_This medication is wonderful... I wish Han hadn't fallen asleep so early. He could have seen this beautiful night._

********

Han looked at the time and decided to move from the couch to the bed. He dropped down on the plushy blankets and realized Leia was not in the bedroom. She was not in the living room either. He walked around the whole house, flipping on lights and calling for her. Nothing. 

_Where could she have gone this late?_

He grabbed his comlink and called Leia. Again. Again. Nothing. He found her comm on the table. He saw an unfamiliar pill bottle with the label scratched up and illegible sitting beside it. Han could hear his heartbeat in his ears. 

_Why would she have gone out this late? When did she start taking pills?_

He grabbed a jacket and walked out the front door, letting it snap shut behind him.

_Ahh geez, this air is frigid. Okay... where would Leia have gone?_

He looked down to the ground, covered in sand with little bits of dead grass poking through. The light from the porch was on, allowing a clear view of the prints she had left. 

_Bare feet. The sand might feel good at night, but it is really not safe. She could freeze or cut her feet up badly. Not that she cares or that she can't handle it, I just have a thing about seeing her blood._

He trudged through the tiny wind-swept dunes, following her footprints. He knew it lead to the beach, it was not that far from the house. Close enough for the sand to blow up to the front door. 

_There she is. Asleep. It is too cold for this tonight. She has to stop wandering so much. At least stop wandering about without a jacket. Compromise._

"Leia? Get up. You know better than to sleep on the beach in freezing temperatures!" Han said, rubbing her arm. She did not budge or wake. "I am serious, Leia, this is not funny." He started rocking her. "Leia Organa, if this is a joke..." He grabbed her wrist to pull her up and realized it was no joke. Her hands were blue. She felt like ice.

Her pulse was rapid, her breathing was shallow. 

_She's out of it! She's given herself hypothermia! What do I do? What can I do? No hospital around here._

He looked down at her again, noticing the ice forming around the bottom of her dress. The waves had been hitting her at one point, leaving her skin to be even colder than it would have been in just the air alone. 

_Okay, do not panic. I can pick her up and carry her home and decide there!_

He carefully slid his arm under her back and lifted her gently. 

_Why has this happened? She still isn't responding. Normally there would be some witty remark about now..._

He carried her back to the house, half waiting for her to put up a fight. For her to tell him to 'put her down' or to start smacking him playfully. This had to be a joke. He gently opened the door and put her on the couch. "Leia? Can you hear me?" Nothing. 

_She's not dead, is she? Fuck. If she is, I- I have no idea. I do not know what I would do._

Nope, she had a pulse and was breathing. Han still was crying though. Crying so much that Leia would find it ridiculous. She never cares if she dies. Han does. He ran to their bedroom and grabbed some soft and warm clothing. He carefully removed her dress and dried her off as much as possible. 

He put the soft clothing on her and wrapped her tightly in a blanket. The only choice would be to take her to a hospital. On the Falcon. Chandrila would have her medical records already, so that would be the logical choice. 

_Okay, I guess this is what needs to happen._

Leia, wrapped in her blanket, was laid on the medbay bunk. Han hooked up an oxygen monitor and a heart monitor. That could be it for now. 

_She had to have known she would freeze out there. Did she want me to find her dead?_

He started the Falcon and flew to Chandrila. It took a decent amount of time. Long enough that he thought she surely would wake up. But she didn't. Han carried her into the hospital and left her in the care of a doctor who specialized in things like these. Someone who would make her better.


	2. Chandrila

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han visits Leia in her hospital room...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for Chapter Two:
> 
> Non-Sexual Nudity  
> Death Mentions
> 
> I'd be happy to tag anything you need tagged! Just ask!

*The Next Day*

"This is what we had to do, Mr. Solo. She should be fine in a few days. You will probably be able to talk to her later, if that makes things any better." Han nodded his head and watched the doctor leave. He was left in Leia's room. He watched as she floated in the tank of very clear but slightly red liquid.

She was so well sedated, he wondered if she would ever wake up. 

_I am sure she will. She has lived through far worse and without medical attention. She will probably be mad that I even brought her here._

She ever so slightly bobbed in the jelly-like mix. She looked dead. Why hadn't she even woken up to talk? Didn't those things have microphones? 

_Is this what she wanted?_

********

"Sir, you can try to talk to her now. She is in a new room and out of the tank. Somewhat combative, but it is understandable. Down the hall, last door on the right." Han wandered down the long hallway and carefully opened the door. 

_Private room. Good. She is going to be upset and I would hate for others to have to hear it._

Nothing. Not a peep. She was still sleeping and had yet to even have the bacta washed off of her. What kind of hospital is this? "Leia? It is Han. Can you hear me?" He asked, leaning over the bed. "Yes." Leia responded, slightly slurred "What do you need?" She never once opened her eyes. 

He grinned. She was fine. "Nothing, princess. Just making sure you aren't dead." He replied. She grinned and rolled over. "Do you want to get that bacta off of you? You would feel better. I'll have them change the sheets while we wash you up." Han asked, sitting beside her.

_He is so sweet. This stuff feels and smells awful. Wait...Why am I even in here? Covered in this? On what planet? Gods, this is embarrassing. I must have fallen asleep on that beach and froze. Stupid, stupid, stupid._

"Sure. That would be nice. I would need a bit of help, I am extremely exhausted. You don't have to if you don't want to." She whispered, a bit ashamed. "I know, that is why I offered. It looks as if nobody else in this place dared wash you off, princess." He laughed. "I'll put you in the shower chair and wash you up." 

Leia allowed him to, even if it was embarrassing. She put on Han's soft clothing that he brought for her and he put her back down on the new sheets. She fell asleep instantly. Han gently combed her hair and braided it on both sides of her head, leaving almost nothing to be tangled. 

_She is so innocently sweet looking when sleeping. No arguments, threats, or weapons. Just her small body and calming breathing. I love her. Ehh, who am I kidding, I love the strong, sassy, and loud Leia the best._

********

Leia got up the next day ready to leave. She signed some paperwork and followed Han back to the Falcon. He did not take off, though. He stared at her in the co-pilot's seat and sighed. "Why aren't we moving, Han? Start the ship." She began hitting the controls and Han grabbed her hand and put it down on her leg.

"No, Leia. We cannot go back. Not to stay, anyway." He responded. "Why not, Han?" She said, gritting her teeth. "It is not safe there. You could have died. We need to move back into the apartment, Leia. Back to Chandrila. Where there is medical care and work." 

_I hate densely populated areas. Tabloids. Swarms of people._

_Why isn't she responding? I know she hates it. I do, too._

"Fine, Han. At least almost everything we need is in the complex. Not many public outings unless we want to." She sighed and let Han disengage all the buttons she had hit. "We can put our things that we brought with us this time in the apartment now and go back to Datooine for the rest tomorrow, okay?"


	3. Falcon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is a smutty chapter. It is probably what most of you are here for...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for Chapter Three:
> 
> Sex  
> Medication Mentions  
> Injury Mentions
> 
> I'd be happy to tag anything else you need tagged! Just ask!

*Two Days Later*

You know, Princess, it'll take a full day to get to Chandrila from this spot..." Han started "Did you have any...plans?" They had been flying for a few days, but Leia had been avoiding him for most of it. She was still sleeping off the bacta. 

_So... he wants to play this game? Not that easy, buddy. You have to work for it._

"You are so romantic" She sarcastically responded "but I have a date tonight." Han playfully shoved her shoulder back in the copilot's chair. She smiled at him, enjoying his frustration. He sat back in his chair and watched the warped blue pass by outside. He didn't bring it up again. Leia faked falling asleep in the co-pilot's chair. She knew what he wanted and intended to give it to him. Just not without making him wait.

_This should work. Just wait for him to walk away._

Han left to make the bed in their cabin. She waited a minute, then snuck into the hallway and played on a datapad. She watched him secretly from her spot. 

_This was too easy. It is adorable. Just look at him in there. Poor guy doesn't know what's coming._

Leia carefully put the datapad down on the floor and snuck into the bedroom. She walked right up to Han without him noticing. She patiently waited for him to notice her. 

Turning around after making the bed, Han realized Leia was standing right behind him. She closed the gap between them, turning her head as their lips met. "Is this okay?" Han pulled back, still a bit unsure if she was in any pain. "Yes." She pushed his shoulder back with a fake punch. 

Leia leaned back into the kiss, caressing the back of his head. She leaned into him so forcefully that he fell to the bed. Leia followed, removing her soft shirt. She laid across his stomach, still kissing him and rubbing his hair. 

Han froze for a moment, wondering if she was just doing this for him. "Well, hotshot? What are you waiting for? I haven't got all day!" She grinned. "Wait, Leia." Leia got off of him quickly, hoping he was okay. "Han? Did I hurt you? We can wait. I thought this is what you wanted." She quickly asked.

"No. I want this. I just thought you didn't." He admitted. "You seemed upset with me." 

_Sweet guy. Nicer than others I have encountered. But, I want the scoundrel._

Leia kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear. "Does this look like I am upset with you, scoundrel?" Was that consent? Leia got back on top of him and he understood that it was. She was fully in control and he was fine with that. For now. 

_She never expects anything. I will just wait until I can turn the tables._

Leia grabbed at his belt and slipped it apart. Han threw her over and hovered over her, holding her arms down. "Not so fast, your highness." Leia cracked up. "What, hotshot? Can't handle it?" Han grinned and undid her belt. "Revenge, Princess. You started it." He laughed, reaching under her now loosened denim. She was now rendered weak from the sneak attack. 

"Not fair." She complained, still laughing. She broke free and completely pulled of his pants with no effort whatsoever. "So, you dare fight back?" He smiled. She repeated his attack, albeit in a different way. 

_Thank goodness that cock-blocking droid isn't with us this time._

********

They woke up the next day in a much better mood. She had no leftover pain from the hypothermia, although it looked it. Trails of purple and blue ran down her chest and up her neck. Han had his fair share of the spots as well. 

They were almost at the city and began discussing plans for work. "I will be working with Mon Mothma still. What are your plans?" Leia asked, snuggled up against his chest. "More shipments, Princess. Shipments of the more legal variety, though."

_That is good. He loves flying. I will miss him a whole lot, though._

"I'd love to come with you on the longer trips. I miss it." Leia responded. "Of course, Leia. Join me anytime." Han responded. He went to get up to land the ship and Leia fell over onto the bed dramatically. Han sighed. "Fine. Here's the soft shirt. You can wear it." He took it off and tossed it to her.

_Yesssss. My favorite shirt. The soft, old, blue jersey shirt. It feels like clouds._

She put it on and threw her jeans back on. She followed Han to the cockpit and watched as he landed in the almost full hangar. Han could tell Leia was anxious about having to wall through all the people after being gone for a while. 

They ignored the other pilots who looked up and unloaded their few belongings. The apartment was on the top floor of the complex, which also was home to the New Republic headquarters. It was very open concept, with the ends of each hallway opening into a dome that encompassed all 20 floors. 

"Okay, this is it." Leia said, scanning her key. The door popped open and they walked in. Although they dropped their things off a few days ago, they hadn't really taken a good look at it.

_Not bad. Living room. Big windows. Kitchen. Three bedrooms!_

_It is not horrible. The windows are nice and it will be great to be close to work. The extra bedrooms are a nice touch. Luke can visit for as long as he wants that way._


	4. New Republic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a chapter of things that needed to be explained for things later on to make sense...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for Chapter Four:
> 
> None Applicable
> 
> I'd be happy to tag some if you need me to! Just because I didn't mark it doesn't mean I won't if you ask!

*One Month Later*

Leia was in charge of setting up and going on missions to planetary systems. She needed to check up on governments and ensure that their voices were being heard in the senate. Some were still being controlled by the Empire, but that would soon be over. 

"Maybe I could schedule monthly trips, asking the senate which planets need it the most at that time. I need to make sure that the troubled planets are getting our help." Leia thought aloud. "Why, I think that is a wonderful idea, Princess!" Threepio chirped back. 

_Shit. How did he even get on this planet?_

Leia doesn't remember. 

_Maybe Luke dropped him off? Ok, its beside the point. He is not following me home. He won't interrupt anything going on there._

She just needed to think without being interrupted. "Threepio, could you contact Han to see what time he'll arrive at home?" Leia asked, hoping the droid would have a difficult time locating both a comm and Han. 

She watched as he left her office to go find a comm. She hopes it is a comm and not something that could actually call Han wherever he is. Leia started typing up a planetary schedule with spots for the senate to fill in. She sighed. C3PO could be heard walking back already.

"He will be home at 20:00, Princess. His ship had some minor problems but he has fixed them. He sends his apologies and will bring food home for both of you later." Threepio explained. 

"Thanks, Threepio. Can you find me something to access the holonet? I need to contact Luke later." Leia asked. She knew he had to use one to find Han. A comm wouldn't have the power to contact a person on another planet. "Of course. I just used this one. I need some maintenance so I will be heading out now. I will see you tomorrow!" He chirped back. 

Good. Peace. She took the device home and contacted Luke. Leia had been getting training from him for months now, hoping to at least understand the force a bit better. She had been practicing alone for a few weeks and really needed to check back in. 

A small blue hologram depicting Luke hovered over the device. "Hey Luke, are you available to talk now? I just got access to the holonet."

"Of course! Hello Leia! Is everything okay? Don't rush the force stuff if it has began bothering you." Luke did not want her stressing out over training. She had work to take care of. 

"I am okay. I called you to say that I am ready to train a bit more. Could you come visit Han and I soon?" She could see a grease covered astromech beside him.

"I can. I'll call you back soon to get exact dates. I've got to get R2 cleaned. He is pretty upset. Bye Leia!"

"Bye, Luke."

Han walked through the door, holding some to-go boxes. "Normal Falcon troubles. I brought food, though." They sat on the couch and ate. "Luke's coming over soon. It will be as far into training as I go. Just enough to control some of my bad thoughts." Leia said.

_Good. That force stuff confuses me. I am glad she won't be leaving me to become a jedi. I'd be crushed._

"What do you have going on in the next few weeks?" She asked. "I have some normal shipments. Did you need me for something here?" Han asked, confused.

"Not really, we just haven't seen each other much lately." Leia stated. "Well, in a bit, when the shipments die down, how about we go on a small trip?" Han asked. 

_Yay! A trip! I love spending nights on the Falcon with Han._

Leia hid her excitement. "Reasonable. We can plan it out ahead and work around it. I need to get to sleep. Goodnight, Han." Leia said sweetly, kissing his forehead.

********

"I think this might work. I love the idea. The first planet you need to visit will be Naboo. They don't need much other than to establish contact with the New Republic." Mon said, tapping on the datapad. "I'm sending you in two weeks. You will stay on Naboo for a full week to make sure they are okay with everything."

Leia was happy that Mon had approved her plan. It gave her flexibility. Naboo would be an easy first trip. Sure, she'd be gone for a week, but Han had planned quite a few trips for himself that week as well. It wouldn't be a problem.


	5. Kinda Like Hoth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han confronts Leia about hiding some pills...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for Chapter Five:
> 
> Medication Mentions  
> Mental Illness  
> Confrontation
> 
> I'd be happy to tag anything else you may need tagged! 
> 
> Nobody deserves a panic attack!

*That Evening*

Han looked over at Leia. "A full week?! Alone?!? Leia I-"

"Han, you damn well know that I am fully capable of caring for myself. Why are you being so protective lately? Its-" Leia closed her eyes and tried to calm herself. Not because she wanted to, but because Luke expected her to control what he called her "path to the dark side" anger. 

_This idiot thinks that I can't handle a week alone? After all he has seen me do? He is going to regret this._

_I know she can handle herself. Godspeed to anyone that gets on her bad side when she is holding a weapon. Or even when she isn't. It is the pill-hiding. Why is she hiding them?_

"I don't even know what caused you to fall into such a deep sleep on that beach or what the p-" Leia slowly turned back to stare at Han square in the face. He stopped talking. 

_Shit. I have done it now. Nothing good comes from that look. She must really be hiding something._

"Han, it is none of your business. I won't be listening to any of this shit." Leia flew off the couch and right out the front door, slamming it loudly. Han flinched from his spot on the couch. He knew it was pointless to follow. Borderline dangerous to follow, actually. 

_That-no-good-stuck-up-half-witted-_

Leia was making such a loud stomping noise he wondered why nobody was complaining. The steps sounded like they were coming from a wookiee, not from a small human. 

_Maybe they know better than to question her?_

Han walked to their powder room and began brushing his teeth. Looking down at the counter, he saw a pill bottle. The label on this bottle was scratched through, partially removed, and had been soaked to remove most of the ink. He opened the cap to find a mix of pills, none of which he recognized. 

_Always one step ahead. These are such a mixed-up mess and I can't make out the numbers. I hope she is okay._

He put the plastic bottle back down and listened. Leia still wasn't back but at least the stomping had ceased. Good for the other residents, at least. Han got in bed and went to sleep, knowing Leia would most likely return much later. 

********

Leia stopped at the end of the hallway. It opened into a beautiful dome, to which you could see the stars above, as well as all of the other levels of the building. She liked being on the top floor. Only a few other people lived this high up, so she could sit in almost total seclusion. Perfect for training. Perfect for calming down.

_I guess it is time to come clean about the pills. I know he has been looking at them. He wants to know what they are. I know I can trust him. I just... I do not want any pity. Pity would be the end of me._

She concentrated on her keys and practiced using the force to lift and lower them. It was very easy for her to control the force around inanimate objects. It was freeing and calming. The keys dropped as she heard footsteps. Whatever was walking around her had turned away and never saw her. 

Leia picked up her keys and headed back in. It was too close for comfort. She did not really like the idea of everyone knowing she was just as force-sensitive as her brother. Or the idea of them knowing she had been training for a while now. She stood up and brushed off her clothing. 

_I hope Han is asleep. I need time to think alone._

********

Han woke up and found Leia asleep next to him, rolled in the blankets as always. 

_Good! Leia has returned! I am happy she is safe. I am happy I was not murdered in my sleep._

He stood up and headed towards the door. It slammed closed in his face. 

_What the hell was that? Please don't be-_

Han turned around slowly, his eyes meeting with hers. She pointed to the empty spot on the bed, her dark eyes unmoving.

_Shit. It was. Okay, don't let her know you are terrified._

He slowly walked back over, attempting to keep a bit of distance between them. "I didn't know you could force-slam doors..." He laughed nervously. 

She ignored him. "About what you said yesterday: what exactly did you mean?" 

_If he wants to know about them, he has to come right out and say it._

"Leia, listen, I didn't mean to upset you. I just was concerned about your health. The hypothermia incident scared me. What are those pills for?"

_He gets only what he asks for. No more._

"A few different things. Not illegal. All safe. All prescribed to me." She simply stated. "Then why are you tearing the labels up? What are they FOR, Leia?"

_If he checks them so **fucking** often he should know what they are for._

"I know you checked them last night, Han. I don't appreciate the babysitting." Han could feel the anger radiating from her. "I just want to be there for you. You can trust me." Han attempted to coax a valid answer from the princess. She froze in her spot, seemingly focusing her eyes on nothing at all.

_It hurts. I can feel it still. So. Much. Pain._

"I'm serious, Leia. What is going on?" Han said, looking right at her unfocused eyes. "Fine, Han." Leia said. "Under one condition: you treat me the same as you always have. No pity."

_Thank goodness she will tell me what is going on._

"I will treat you the same as always, Leia. I promise. Nothing you can say will change my feelings towards you."


	6. Dark Nothingness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia explains her time aboard the Death Star to Han...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for Chapter Six:
> 
> Mental Illness  
> Torture Descriptions  
> Medication Mentions  
> Sex  
> Nudity (duh, because above warning)
> 
> I'd be happy to tag anything else that you need tagged! 
> 
> I'm here to make sure you don't have panic attacks and that you enjoy the fanfiction!

*No Time Has Passed*

Han nodded. He knew this part well. She was captured by Vader on her ship... She was taken to the Death Star, where Han had met her. He didn't really know what happened in between those two points in time and Leia sure as hells wasn't giving much, if any, new information.

_She is stalling. If this was what it really was, it would never have been a secret._

"Then what happened? After you were taken aboard the Death Star?" He asked, still prying for actual answers. "I was lead into a dark, cold cell. Death Star personnel periodically asked me questions about the locations of rebels and where the rebel base was. I never told them, of course. It frustrated them."

_She is really frustrating me, too_

"I know all of that, already, too. I know that it is not what is bothering you, Leia. If it was, it would have never been a secret because I already knew all the details."

"Well..." Leia started, sighing. Han listened to her go over things she had never mentioned before. He knew she was tortured, but the details made him realize it had been far worse than he assumed.

Han teared up. How could a father torture his daughter and laugh at her pleas? How could he watch her convulse and suffocate and scream? Let her veins burn? Inject poisons into her bloodstream? Watch her collapse and not render any aid other than bleaching the dress to rid the fabric of blood? 

_He knows the next part. Do I need to repeat it? It truly is the worst part. The part that fills my mind with flashes and screams._

Leia now had tears running over her rosy cheeks. She didn't wipe them away. She left them to fall onto the blanket she was wrapped in. 

_I hate my cries for Alderaan. I hate the guilt I feel from it._

Han hugged her tightly. "They made me watch my entire planet disintegrate. With my whole family on it. All my memories. My mom. My dad. Aunts. Uncles. Everyone."

_Shit. It had never occurred to me that she was made to watch that. I should have realized before now. She never shows any emotion over it. Has she been dealing with this alone for years?_

Han rested his head on top of hers. He watched as tears continued to quietly fall from Leia's cheeks. "The pills are just for my anxiety and depression. I did not want any pity, so I never told you." Han remained silent for a moment, a few tears escaping. 

_I can not show any pity towards her. It will make her upset. Just comfort her when she needs it. Otherwise, let her be. She is capable._

"Okay, hotshot, I think I need to wash up now." Leia got up and headed towards the refresher. Han looked over at her, smiling. "Would you like my company, Princess?"

_Ahh, revenge time. He thinks me weak and unfocused at this time. What a fool._

"Okay, Han. Do not try anything sneaky." Leia walked ahead, grinning.

"I won't, Leia. I promise." He got up and walked into the powder room. "Leia?" The door slammed shut and locked all in one smooth motion as Leia emerged from behind it. "Fooled again, scoundrel. You are too easy. What say ye to a rematch?" She said, walking around him while dragging her hands around his torso.

_How in the world did she get undressed so quickly? The door thing was impressive as well. I love her._

_I know, Han._

"You won't win this time, Princess. You revealed your true weakness to me in the last battle." Han said stoically. He undressed. "Try me, good sir, for I have no idea what you are talking about." She responded, turning the shower water on from the opposite side of the room. "So be it." Leia walked into the shower and Han followed, attacking her with shampoo. 

She quickly grabbed the body wash and attacked back, accidentally getting some in his eyes. "You've done it this time, sweetheart." Han picked her up and hung her over his shoulders. "Foul!" She grabbed ahold of the bar on the side and Han fell to the bench. Leia slipped and landed on her butt in the middle of the shower. 

_I will not lose that easily, Leia. You have left yourself in a vulnerable position._

Han got off of the bench and leaned over her, kissing her sweetly. She slowly scooted up against the wall and broke free of the kiss, but not of him. They looked in each other's eyes and Leia took the opportunity to attempt to slide down a bit further. 

_You will soon be the loser, Han. You will give in before I._

Han surprised her by quickly laying down on the shower floor, his legs going up the wall. "Right into my trap again, Princess." She caught herself before her body met with Han, instead, she sat on her legs and looked over his head. "What a pitiful attempt. And you call yourself a scoundrel?" 

"Leia, to be fair, you called me that, I did not call myself that!" He laughed.

She let him sit up again. They both stared at each other, waiting to see who would move first. 

Leia began kissing Han, moving around his whole body slowly. He fell over on his back as she laid down on his stomach. "I see now that you are the weak one, hotshot. Admit defeat." She sat down on him and he sat up and leaned against the shower wall, allowing them to be perfectly positioned.

_Well, she just went for that one. I must say, it does seem to be a joint victory, though._

They both lost rather quickly. "I demand a rematch at a later date, Han." She kissed him and yawned. "I think we should probably get ready now. People tend to think that if we are in the apartment all morning that we are... Not that they are wrong. I just don't want to give them the satisfaction of being right."

"Leia, I think they know. Even if we told nobody." Han laughed and let her stand. She held out her hand and helped him up. "I doubt everyone knows yet, Han." She grinned and dried off.


	7. Trips and Almost Trips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia leaves for a trip and Han takes care of the Falcon...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for Chapter Seven:
> 
> Alcohol  
> Sexual Intentions  
> Intoxication (Descriptions)
> 
> I'd be happy to put more warnings on if you request them!
> 
> I am not here to give anyone panic attacks or cause discomfort!

*Two Weeks Later*

"Leia, I know you will be able to handle this perfectly." Mon said, standing by the door of Leia's office. "Your transport leaves in about an hour from the main hangar. I trust you have all that you need already. You are free to meet your ship as soon as you please, I do not have any paperwork for you today."

"Thank you, Mon. I will head out shortly. Tell Threepio he has the week off. If that doesn't work, make him organize something that has never been organized before. It should keep him out of your hair." Leia said, throwing a small gray bag filled with the rest of her clothing for the week over her shoulder.

She walked down into the base of the dome and left for the hangar. 

_Han thinks I have left already. I can sneak up on him. It'll be funny. Flirt with him, then leave. Perfect._

Leia saw the Falcon and nonchalantly walked up to the ship. Han was grabbing some tools when she snuck up behind him, grabbing him and turning him around in one smooth motion. He jumped a bit, scared he might have pissed off another pilot. 

_Oh thank gods, it is just Leia. Why is she still here?_

Leia stood up on her toes and leaned in. "Don't get into any trouble, scoundrel. I'll only be gone a week." She said, kissing him as she whispered into his ear. She was already across the hangar by the time he opened his eyes. She waved to him over her shoulder, never looking away from her transport. 

_She is always such a tease! She always does this!_

Han returned to working on the Falcon. While he did appear to be fixing a piece on the ramp, his main goal for the week was to clean the inside. He and Leia had set the trip date to be exactly a month from now. Luke had suggested Ilum. Although chilly, it has caves filled with kyber. It would be perfect for Leia to get a crystal from.

She didn't know where the trip was to, and Han was planning to keep it a secret until they got to the planet. She agreed and let him do all the planning. 

Han walked into the ship. He stopped in the bedroom and looked at the mess. Everything needed washed. Redone. Wiped down. 

_She is messy. I am messy. All of our things are everywhere in here..._

He came back the next six days, slowly washing, organizing, and fluffing things. He went back to the apartment and cleaned up there, as well. It would be perfect by the time she got home and she would not question him very much on the Falcon. He sat on the couch until he heard her footsteps in the hallway. He walked towards the front door.

The door clicked open and Leia ran right towards Han. She was filthy and bright eyed. 

_She went to Naboo, right? Why in the worlds is she such a dirty mess?_

She hugged Han so tightly he felt his arms go numb. She said nothing. He said nothing. She let go and ended the silence. "What have you been up to all week without me?" She asked, gleaming up at him.

"The usual. Replaced some parts in the Falcon. Picked up around the apartment..." he motioned around the room. "It does look a lot better in here! I appreciate it, and Luke probably will as well. He'll be here in a day or so. I can't wait to see him again. It feels like forever since we have actually talked." She said, now dragging Han to the couch to sit. She kicked off her boots and her stomach growled.

"Shall we go grab some food, Leia?" Han asked, laughing. "Sure, just let me wash up and change clothes. I haven't showered in days!" She quickly got ready and they walked in to the first restaurant they saw. She was the opposite of picky at the moment, anything and everything sounded amazing. 

They both ate a lot and drank enough. Just enough to calm down. Leia seemed to have ingested more by the way her eyes seemed glossed over. She stopped talking as much. 

********

Later that night, Leia stared out the window of their apartment, watching all the people and droids heading home for the night. The street lamps glowed and flickered with natural flames. She felt all warm and fuzzy inside. Her eyes couldn't really focus, but that did not matter.

_I am free. Happy. Happy. Sleepy. Calm._

Han watched as the twinkle of the lights shown in Leia's eyes. He remembered when they first met. When they first kissed. Her soft skin. Her warmth. He turned away and headed for bed.

"Han?" Leia asked, without turning around. 

_Shit. I forgot she was force sensitive. She knew I was watching her!_

"It's fine. You can stay out here. I don't mind. I can see your reflection in the window." She said, very slowly, making it so that she didn't slur words together.

_Oh, duh. The lamp is on in the kitchen, so she could see my reflection._

"Oh. Well, I just thought you looked very happy. I didn't mean to ruin your view..." Han trailed off. "You didn't. I throughly enjoyed the view." She smiled, slowly letting her eyes come in and out of focus. 

_Nope. She is too out of it. Not tonight, Leia. I have to get her to bed._

"Luke will be here tomorrow. Let's get to bed. Sober up, Princess. You must have ordered something much stronger than mine."


	8. Padawan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Luke visits Han and Leia...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings for Chapter Eight:
> 
> Alcohol
> 
> As always, never be afraid to ask for a content warning.

**The Next Afternoon**

Luke stared at the sleeping form. He could feel her peace. Sense her happiness. He smiled, as this was a much different person than the one he met years ago. Leia Organa was now _peacefully sleeping_ right before him. No tears. No shaking. He tried to figure out what was different about his sister.

_Huh, there are very few times this has happened. 90% of those rare days involve Han. Han is not here. 10% of them involve strong intoxicants._

He could tell she had been drinking the night before as he leaned in. The smell of strong corellian whiskey filled the air around her, leaving her in a dreamland. 

_That's why she feels so at peace. Alcohol. She must have ordered a shit ton last night. Lucky girl never gets a hangover._

"Leia, you really should get up." Luke whispered from his spot on the fluffy comforter. Leia woke startled, staring at the wall. She had forgotten Luke was coming today. She flipped over and sat up. She missed her brother so much! "Luke!" She leaned over and hugged him tightly. Feeling something uncomfortable, she looked down and realized that she was still in yesterday's clothes. A button was pressed into her chest from laying on it all night. 

_Oh geez. This is embarrassing._

"It is okay, Leia" Luke laughed "I've seen you in waaay worse clothing. Like that gaudy-" 

"Okay, Luke, I get it. I've looked worse." She said in a harsh tone. She grinned and got up.

********

"Sorry about waking up so late, Luke. I wasted away an entire fourth of your visit!" Leia said, sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of Luke. Her hair was soaked and hung over her fresh clothing, leaving parts of the shirt dark. "It really is fine, Leia. You were calm. That is good!" Luke responded as happily as ever. 

_My brother is great. What ever did I do to deserve him?_

"Your trip here was okay? You brought Artoo, right? Threepio has been going on for weeks about seeing him again." Leia started, changing the subject away from her night for good. "The trip was great! Artoo is here, he found Threepio this morning. Are you and Han okay? I haven't seen him today."

"We are fine, Luke. He is just working a lot lately. He is digging through junk heaps to find an old Corellian switch or something for the Falcon. Han really loves that ship. He should have married her instead of me. He plans on spending all day tomorrow with you." Leia smiled. 

"Then we had better get this training done with today!"

_I am one with the force, the force is with me..._

********

"Thanks for meeting me here, kid. Can't let Leia know where the trip is to." Han said, as Luke walked onto the Falcon. "I'm the same age as Leia, Han. You don't have to call me 'kid'." Luke said, walking towards the cockpit. "Don't keep reminding me that. In my mind, Leia is much older." He grinned.

"Did you decide on Ilum?" Luke asked, sitting in the copilot's seat. "Yep, we leave in three weeks. Most everything is done already. I just had a few questions."

_What does he mean by questions? I hope it is just about the trip..._

"What does she do to pick the crystal? I want to make sure it is done correctly." Han asked. 

_Oh, thank gods it was a crystal question._

"She does not pick one, one picks her. It is drawn to a force-sensitive being. She will hold it and it will feel warm in her hands only. It will change colors to reflect her path, in a way." Luke responded. "Sounds easy enough. I think she'll like it. She really has a thing for weapons." Han responded.


	9. Ilum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Han takes Leia on a trip...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:
> 
> The usual. Need something tagged? Ask!

**Three Weeks Later**

Leia was done with waiting. She wanted to know their destination. "Okay, Han. We have been flying all day now. Not even at lightspeed. Let me look at the navicomputer or just tell me where the hells we are going. At this rate, I am starting to assume that you have brought ropes and that your entire plan was just to use them in the ship." Leia yelled, teasing Han. She was made to sit in the bedroom so she couldn't look. He didn't answer.

"Fine, then I am going through the cabinets in here, you dirty scoundrel! I'll find out what's up. I'll use whatever you brought on you first!" She began opening drawers, slamming them loudly to get his attention. 

"Leia, we are almost there! I haven't hidden anything." The ship began landing on a nice flat surface. "How about you tell me where we are now?" Leia asked again. "No."

She ran to the cockpit and over to the navicomputer, Han jumping in front of her in an attempt to pick her up and stop her. "Ilum?" Leia asked with a big smile on her face. "It was supposed to be a surprise." Han sighed. "They have lots of kyber caves here. I brought you here to get a crystal. I saved up some old parts from the Falcon and Luke says you can build a lightsaber from it." 

_Aww! He doesn't completely call bantha shit on all this force stuff after all. I **fucking** love weapons. I also do not believe that he has not hidden things on the Falcon, but that is for another time._

"Thanks Han!" Leia said, hugging him tightly. "How does this work? I just pick one?" Han looked at his scribbled notes from Luke. "Actually, Luke says one will kinda draw you to it. When it picks you and you hold it, it will warm and turn to the color in which it feels you to be. Normal Jedi colors, I guess."

"That sounds amazing! Let's go now!" Leia said, dragging Han out of the Falcon. The ship had landed right by an expansive cave, and Leia ran right for it. The cave was shimmering with clear kyber, very little of which had fallen. 

Leia concentrated on finding her kyber crystal, for the most part. The rest of her was secretly tapping a rhythm with her feet on the ground.

_Tap. Tap tap tap. Tap. Tap tap tap. Echo._

She felt drawn to a crystal and carefully removed it from the wall. It felt so warm in her hand. So right, as if it were a part of her spirit itself. It began to form a color. 

_It really is mine! Purple? That's a good color! I think... Either way it sure is beautiful! I'll have to ask Luke what the color means!_

Before she could even put her crystal in her pocket, she felt another tug. Something in her wanted to take another crystal. It wanted her to take that one. The one right beside the spot where hers had grown.

_Part of me is drawn deeply to that other crystal. But I already have one! What do I do? I'd hate to leave this other crystal sitting in the cave if it belongs with me._

"I'm only supposed to feel one calling me, right?" She asked Han, a bit confused "This one seems to be calling me as well...do I take it?" 

_She is asking me? I don't know shit about this stuff. Does it even matter how many damn crystals she takes? Look at all of them. There aren't even but two freaking force sensitive people left and millions of crystals. I say they split all these 50/50._

"Luke says it is only one, but if you are feeling two, maybe take both. Perhaps it knows you lose things easily?" Han smiled, enjoying watching her so excited. Leia carefully removed the second crystal. It also felt warm in her hand. She felt warm all over, like she was on Tatooine again. This time, no Jabba. Just Han. 

_This is nice. It is not changing colors though. Maybe it will later?_

She stuck both kyber pieces into her vest pocket and Han began walking back to the Falcon. Leia followed while dragging her hand across the cave walls, avoiding any stalagmites and stalactites on her way out. 

_I'd hate to be the reason those beautiful structures stop growing. Tap. Tap tap tap. Rough crystal walls. Warm nice crystals. I feel whole. This icy planet feels as welcoming as Alderaan..._

They stayed for a few days, relaxing for the most part. 

( _ **BONUS FIC ONE:HIDDEN THINGS** fits into the storyline here!_ )

Leia spent hours constructing her lightsaber. Han let her use old parts from the ship for the hilt. She used her purple crystal for the blade.

_**Holy fuck** , I actually built a working lightsaber. Look at that!_

She turned it off and stood up. Leia headed for the bedroom door to show Han what she had built, but decided to test it one last time. She reignited the saber, accidentally slicing a decent sized mark in the bedroom of Han's ship. His first love. 

_**Shit.** Gotta cover this up. Maybe it will just blend in? I can blame Luke. Yeah, Luke has had a lightsaber much longer than I have and has had ample time to accidentally slice up the ship._


	10. Voices

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia has a nightmare...

*One Week Later*

Han hadn't seemed to have noticed the line of charred metal that adorned the bedroom wall. Leia was relieved. That week, she and Han both went back to working, but had made an agreement to be home by 6 or so. They did their things during the day, and bonded in the evenings.

Leia put the kyber crystal that had remained uncolored in her nightstand drawer. She kept the lightsaber hooked onto her clothing at all times, with the exception of sleeping. It was just not comfortable.

********

Leia had gotten off work early and was picking up around the apartment. She wanted it to be clean before Han got home because- in all honesty- he had been cleaning and picking up behind her for weeks. She tended to forget things. As she put up her jacket, Han opened the door.

_**Ohshitwhatwasthat-** oh. It is just Han._

"Leia?" He looked around and shut the door to find Leia was standing behind it. "Sorry. I did not mean to hit you with the door. Here." He said, handing a bag of food to her. "It's fine."

_Normally I sense him before he opens the door. Gotta work on that, it seems._

"I am exhausted, Leia. I am heading to bed. Join me whenever." Han said as he finished eating. Leia followed him and snuggled against his soft shirt. She loves that soft shirt. Han thinks she married him for the soft shirt, sometimes. She could easily buy the same one for just a few credits at any shop. Leia still preferred the one that Han was wearing over any other.

********

"You've really fucked up this time, Organa...." a familiar sounding, yet unplaceable sarcastic voice said. "Who are you? I haven't done anything!" Leia responded, very confused. She seemed to be in a small room. It was dark. Foggy. Meant to cause confusion, perhaps?

_I am not awake, but I do not seem to be completely asleep. This feels too real._

"Where am I? Who are you?" She asked again. 

_Where did they go?_

A chill ran down her spine as a different and deep voice took place of the kindly sounding voice. "You've done something beneficial for me, Skywalker."

She woke up, breathing deeply into Han's soft shirt. 

_What was that? Nobody but Han and Luke know about my actual bloodline._

She carefully moved Han's arm off of her body and left. She sat in her secluded spot in the hallway and tried to clear her head. 

_Just a bad dream, Leia. You aren't thinking clearly, Leia._

A bad feeling washed over her entire body, lingering around her neck like a noose. "You have something I want, Organa. I plan on taking it in any way possible." The voice hissed. "Leave me alone!" Leia was gasping for air. She communicated with the voice only through the force now. "Not until I have what I want." The pain left and she was allowed to breathe freely again. 

"Take the extra crystal and fuck off, buddy." Leia responded, coughing. "I don't want your crystals, princess. I have many of those. You have something very hard to come by these days." The voice responded, finding great humor in her accusation of him being a crystal thief. As if there weren't millions of those crystals everywhere.

"Nope. I have nothing rare. Neither does my husband." Leia retorted. "I'll be back, Organa. You will soon give up this charade of ignorance. An educated Princess as yourself surely knows what is going on."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahahaha... a cliffhanger.
> 
> This gives me a great sense of power, even if I assume all of you know what is going on. 
> 
> Part Two should be up in just a couple days, so read the bonus fic to fill your time.


End file.
